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We have a fantastic staff that keeps everything in order as far as things go.

Our crew is ever expanding and we are all masters in the art of what we do…it’s who we are.

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The Managers’ Manager: Sparkle

(San Francisco)

She’s got a lot on her plate with a title like that. But not only is she my Manager, she is also the company Lawyer (always good to have) as well as the organizer of many of my professional inquiries. And she says she just just does the paperwork, pshaw. Oh and her husband Mr. Sparkle is the best cook in the world. Let’s meet her.

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The Artist: Too FaR.J.

(Las Vegas)

R.J. was first signed to the label on 07/07/07 and he hasn’t looked back since. Running full steam ahead in the red, he has accomplished more than any artist in his league and gained a lot of publicity from his numerous stunts. Let’s meet the man, the myth, the legend.

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Artist Promotions: Stacey F.

(Las Vegas)

Stacey is skilled and dedicated in every aspect of her work and she has proved to be the best artistic promotions director we could imagine. She keeps the artists in check, she’s good with computers and today happens to be her Birthday!

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The Speech Writer: Precious Stone

(L.A. Area)

P. Stone first joined the team after an adventorous stint in San Francisco where she prooved herself by debuting her talents at a prestigious party where she declared her authority. When I first met this lovely gem, she approached me on the stage at a venue in San Diego and offered her assistance to the firm. I knew right at that very moment that she was a hard working golden child that could handle all the speeches that we would need written. Let’s meet her highness.

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P.R. (Go to) Guy: OB

(San Francisco)

OB is the wing-man of all wing-men. His superfluous talents raise the bar for all wing-like creatures. If I had a prized golden eagle that meant a lot to me, I would trust it with OB. And I would like to take this time to thank him for all of the great press that we have been receiving lately, well, except for that one video that got out but hey, any press is good press right?

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Transportation Director: 3-One

(Santa Cruz)

Having traveled more miles with this fellow that anyone I’ve ever met, and having put my faith in the hands of his various vehicles, there is no one else as qualified for this job than Chris. We’ve scaled boulders on trash can lids at the heaven’s peaks and swam across the country in leaking automobiles and yet every so often I go down to my garage to find that my car has had a fresh oil change and a wash. Now, that’s the type of gracious art we commed in this industry. Lets meet the man who shows that mechanics arn’t just for cars.

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Treasurer: Boyle

(L.A. Area)

Boyle’s interests include hunting lions and studying the financial motives of ants. His respective title is like a labrynth of enigmas while his knowledge of progression is invaluable. Let’s meet the man whose got the skills to pay the bills.

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Safety Consultant: Jaymes Dec

(New York City)

Oh good God. Where would I begin. Well, I first supposedly met Jaymes in NYC but I don’t remember. So then I really actually met him in Amsterdam of all places. From our first excursion, which lasted a couple weeks, I always felt safe. (Side note: My drunk bike riding skills pale in comparisson to this guys)

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Intergalactic Intelligence Engineer: Heady (Ted “Theodore” Logan) Esquire

*Undercover Agent

(New York)

This wild stallion is not looking for his lost shaker of salt. He found it and much more on his frequent trips to the outter galaxies where he collects neutrons and amoebas for scientific experimentations soley to make new spices to mix into potent elyxirs to share with people at various parties where he can then extract the proper ways of spelling from their minds. I first met this stealth avenger whilst wandering amidst the big city of New York on a foggy night when I was strolling past a rambunctious nightclub with alley cats pawing at the door. I just really needed to know what time it was and our friend here was stepping out of a cab and gave me the time. “Well, it’s 4:22 of course!” he muttered under his mustache and then proceeded to hail another cab in the other direction like some sort of wardrobe change that I couldn’t understand. From that point on, I knew we’d meet again and then somehow, instantly, life’s perplexity of time became more amusing and the less daunting factors of language subsided. And then an orange cat meowed in the distance.

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Director of Health and Wellness: Labiachi

(S.C. Mountains)

Dr. Joe Femino caught a frieght train into our world and he expells his plethora of medical advice at times best described as intoxicated. Our doctor here has walked from Mexico to Canada (with Jojo) and it is rumored that he once ate a coyote just to dissect it’s soul. What is odd about his profession is that whenever he is around, I need more medical advice than usual. He also has a facination with declaring his wisdom of anatomy and is not hindered by his intolerance to sport affiliated farm animals.

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Kick Ass Guitar Player: Sean Leahy

(San Francisco)

What company doesn’t have one of these guys? He’s a musicians musician of the highest degree. You’d think that this guy learned how to play guitar from a 5 foot immensely skilled Asian karate rat because this guy is a master shredder. 5 points to anyone who gets what I just implied. Ok. So, but really, this guy is great, and actually better than great and he is well revered in the global music community for his greatness. He just got back from his second, no third European tour! You may remember him from such shred fests as Guitarmegeddon, Boomshanka, Four Year Bender, Kofi Brown and London Street as well as his numerous guest appearences with our good friends Tea Leaf Green as well as every Wednesday in SF with the fabulous Geoff Kiyoshi Foster.

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Concert Consultant and Confidant: Krista Lee (Kelty)

(Virginia)

This lovely lady I met on a plane, the connection was instant though she thought I was insane. We were somewhere in Colorado but on our way to the South, and in my excitement nonsense poured from my mouth. I asked her if we were headed in the same diirection, Phish tour that is I exclaimed with affection. Well, I ended up riding with her and her boy, she couldn’t get rid of me because I found her presence a joy. So then a decade goes by and we still meet around the world to dance, seriously, me and this woman have raged more shows than there are fashionistas in France.

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Showtime Embassador or (Dance Floor Dictator): HalluciNATE

(Santa Cruz)

A true pioneer in the search for the sound, this friend of ours here can really get down. Having met Nate in a myriad of scenes, this is one bad ass brother in a pair of blue jeans. He travels for music, he travels for fun, and sometimes he goes missing, that son of a gun. But one thing’s for certain and one thing’s for shore, I know where to find him and that’s on the dance floor! (btw, I really do know how to spell sure, c’mon)

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Image Consultant: Styl’n Skippy Haha

Heather here hails from the brightest star in the 14th galaxy; Our sorceress of apparel who designs and redefines our stature without fallacy. She is our creative clothing genius with her intuitive sense of style, she is the one behind our luscious and debonair appeal that makes us proud to walk the miracle mile. As the master behind our costume changes she gives us all the appropriate suggestions on how to proceed; We know that the show is gonna get hot in there and she’s the one with all the tricks up her sleeve. Looking layered in exquisiute excellence we portray the professionals that we are; And we look good when we lounge like golden and obsidian Labradors sipping on Pinot Noir. Her name is Skippy Haha and her style is soft like sweet romance, we thank her for taking care of us and our fashion so we can all focus on our agenda and dance!

Check out Skippy’s clothing line: www.vintagevantage.com

(North Carolina)

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Advisor on all matters spiritual; Guru, Shaman and Mystic of all things Moist: Sauce

(San Francisco)

Farm animals become sexy in his presence and books read him for inspiration.

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NOBODY! : Focker

(Delaware) yes, really

F’er represents our East Coast Division and is a fearless fanatic of fun. It is not uncommon to be hospitalized by blowing out your pancreas after being in the presence with this rib-splitting, gut busting, balls to the wall party aficionado. With laughter as contagious as rabies, and an admirable knowledge of light beer selections, he is also recognized for his uncanny ability to make musicians play exactly what he is thinking. In a past life, centuries ago, Focker had a dream; then Beethoven transcribed it into a symphony. He also collects cell phones and fake rocks.

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Director of Choreography: Green Ethan

(Walnut Creek)

The first time I saw Green E at a show, he was trying to keep a live Gorilla afloat in the air, seriously, that’s the first glimpse of him that I caught. The next time I met him, he was flooded in a puddle of electric guitars and cordially choreographing a chorus of commotion wih the enthusiastic motion that that he sought. Ethan not only teaches but he instructs the crew with his art form of dance that is so delicate and radical that worldly masters all over the world seek to apprentice his skillz.
He is a front row commodore and his exuberant dance steps on the floor can be heard on numerous recordings nationwide. Whenever there is a silent pause in a song during a live performance, what that is, is a higher vibration of electricity reverberating through the awe of everyone in the audience because of his amazing and otherworldly moves, and we are always learning from him and are right by his side.

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Doctor of Forestry: Old School Snuffy

(Fairfax)

You ever hear of the California myth, Bigfoot? Well, Old School Snuffy is the only person in documented history to have a bona fide friendship with the creature and he can lead you to him with ease. He is our gracious guide of the outside, one with wisdom of the ways of the mountain song itself. Cougars and lions give him rides across uncharted territory and birds ask him to map out their migration south. I once heard that a pack of Monarch butterflies tried to spawn in his pores. Redwoods revere his kindness and pine needless part in his path. With a smile like the sun and a sacred relationship with foreign species plant life, Old School Snuffy will be written in tales of folklore until the end of time.

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Vivacious Videographer and Photographer: Muck

(North Beach)

With an eye for the magnificence and microscopic microcosims, Muck makes movies of our our moistened moves and photographs the fantasmic feats of fiends. With a way like window through her eyes like a lens, she captures our spirit the way she intends.

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Executive Navigator and National Reception Represenitive: Señor John S. Muleman

(Connecticut)

A man of merit and a master of his métier, John joins the team as both a conductor and a captain, far or near. His service to the company has made the relation of point A to point B, a joyride as effortless as an any trip should be. I first met Jon in the desert riding on a Mule towards the bright lights of the Las Vegas City. Little was I aware of the insight that he would prove to provide by his own brightness as a scholar of direction so witty. Call it good vision or call it intuition, we are always on the good path when his skills come into fruition.

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Director of Statistics and Mathematics: Topaz

(Maine)

Topes reigns from the northern domain of Maine and within that desolace she finds dilligence from which she can’t refrain. She can calculate the distance of music notes from the stage, to your ears and forms equations from heartbeat pulpitations as you rage. We count on her expertise (pun intended) to construe, making it look as easy as Pi to do what we do.

to be cont’d…

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Travel Advisor: Hug ‘n Kiss

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Guest Relations: Krystal

(San Francisco)

Krystal is the Shiva of putting on shows, she has a hand in all elemental matters of events and she knows. She greets and she meets and she properly seats and she tends to all the Jane’s and the Joe’s. Before your cup is empty she is already there and she travels with peanut butter if there’s gum in your hair. Her work is her art of creativity and care and she’ll even deck you out in diamonds if you’re needing some flair. …

to be cont’d…

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International Manager: K.I.M

(Walnut Creek)

Appointed in Europe on a ship out to sea, Kim holds the compass to each fruitful journey. Her skills and direction and trusted insight proove if we hold the candle that she brings the light. When questions need answered in other languages you bet, that she can convey what to say without a second to fret. She’s stocked with extra socks and brushes and jackets and when it’s game on she’s got the tennis raquets. I’d span continents to gather gratitude for her guidence through thick and thin, She is much more than an acronym, she is internationally known as Kim.

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Beverages and other important amenities provider: Stebbie Dewart

(Las Vegas)

I just don’t know how she does it but she damn she does it oh so good. Her priority is our neccessity and she’s the best damn Cello player in her hood. She keeps our bar stocked which keeps us moist and her laughter is like a song in the sweetest tune of her voice.

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The Company Dog: Norton!

This dog has seen more shows than i’m legally allowed to announce due to the canine labor laws. When all other questions cannot be answered, we call on Norton to provide insight, not with words, but with his Taoist demeanor he exudes exactally the info we seek. Peer into his eyes and you will feel all of the compassion that the world forgets. Pet his silky chocolate coat and you will feel like you are falling into the ten thousand tales of nirvana. Norton is truth. Norton is love. Norton embodies the essence of what our entire system entails. En-tails.

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Travel Organizer: JOey

(World-wide)

And damn this man is good at what he does!

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The Board Director: Bubs

(Santa Cruz)

I’m not exactly sure what Aubrey does.

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Management: Phoreal

Thank you, you are all fuckin’ great!

contact: gphoreal@gmail.com

Filed under: General by phoreal